History Through Randomness

In the beginning, things started to happen...

An explosion of stuff and cheddar spread like a fourth grade teacher's legs across the Inverse, objects formed far and not so far, great masses of gas collected into the shape of balls, on these massive balls (lol) things began to quiver, wriggly slimey things moved about the seas like a camel's tongue in a bucket of oysters.  The skies were soon covered in cotton, it began to rain substitute teachers, thier chalky residue smeared the land as wild untamed pensioners feasted upon thier salty remains, herds of wild Olsen twins galloped across the planes as Jerry Garcia wiped his shirt over the sky and created the sun, the moon and sanitary dispensers.

Soon time developed some film which gave way to the dinosaurs, these creatures from Stan Winston's Workshop roamed the pantry, their size and shape came in many varieties, sometimes two for the price of one,  these cardboard cutouts lived for a very long time, minutes later they died due to a Windows error and their carpets were stained with carrot juice.  This mass cult suicide opened the neighbours white picket fence for the mammals, these plush toys were odd looking creatures, their furry carcasses offended Will Smith and so he flew away, his fresh magic formed tennis courts, this was the origins of french cooking.  
Drew Carey painted a rock and gave it to a mackerel, who in turn ate it, the rock teased his innards and began a metamorphasis, the end result being Ohio, after Wednesday the mammals evolved into cave paintings,  the Dallas Cowboys were impressed by this and so they created network television in their honour.

Michael Flately and Steven Segal crafted higher intelligence from berries and last weeks copy of Who Weekly, and presented this technology to the next species to be employed, the humans.  No one really knows where these department stores came from, but thier nudity upsetted Jennifer Lopez and so curtains were given to the humans, who drapped them over bears, because everyone knows mountains are afraid of saturday morning television.
Proffessional wrestling paved the way for construction workers, who hired bell boys to build them dormatories, soon windmills took up residence at the nearest drug store and decorated it with low flying flamingoes, this soon become a tradition among the waterslides and to this day the tradition lives on, in the form of half price Tuesdays.  By the year $18.43 mankind had florished, nailing their soiled underwear to seagulls they managed to advert disaster, for only three days prior land shrimps invaded toy shops all over the lightglobe.

Three hundred years and twenty-six dollars later machines roamed cities, machines such as computers, stereos and Avril Lavinge were the everyday normal, the humans discovered machinary beneath the couch and took advantage of this small phillipino boy and made the world their own.  For many pages later mankind ruled the chessboard until one day a salamander suggested to explore the Inverse, man stroked his manly chin in thought and agreed with the sticky clump, after squashing it man built toiletroll rockets and successfully dominated the spreadsheets, landing on the moon they realised that they werent the only ones out there, but also sock puppets lived nearby, they exchanged email addresses and so man called his mum for a lift back home.

Back on the earth mankind discovered disease, as they carelessly played with a monkey and six pieces of bread, disease took over, mankind wasn't ready for such a disaster, they were too busy creating David Beckham when disease stole their purses, mankind had lost the battle of the bands, the world was a dark place as the power company turned it off.  Without anymore celebrities being manufactured disease was bored, and so diseased booked the next flight to Gephetto and left the basketball, this is was the end for all concerened, Jim Carrey was sad.

The End.